Comfortably Numb...

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

A hundred thousand Curses...

God damn man!! Shiite! What a bunch of losers, the Illini are! My college team, "The Fighting Illini" can now officially be rechristened the "Bendover and get creamed" Illini!! When the situation dictated that we play our asses off and win every game from now...this is the tripe we come up with?? My blood boils over , my mind seethes with rage, my mouth is flowing over with invectives...WTF man! What the hell is wrong with my B'ball team? We were hailed to be a bunch of talented ballers, ready to capture the Big Ten firmament and march onto the NCAA tournament with all the swagger of '50 cent' during a spring break concert!

Guess now we know what we really are! Hmm...what do you do? As my movie-making Guru Quentin Tarantino once so succintly surmised in two immortal words..."Shit Happens!". Most of this invective-filled diatribe is a direct result of the dream season that we had last year when our team steam-rolled every opposition that was thrown across our path to reach the NCAA Finals. (Okay, we did slip a tad against Ohio State for our only regular season loss!) oh Boy, What a juggernaut that team was...I definitely need to extol their virtues and innundate my blog with their exploits some other time!

Anyways, all my cursing and venting leads to another very interesting question...

What magnitude of swearing is passable before it gets offensive? I am sure that everyone has their own relative standards depending on which co-ordinates of the erudite/tactful spectrum one prefers to exist in! I guess one cardinal rule that has been extolled by our rather accomplished fore-fathers is that swearing in front of a girl is extremely unchivalrous and can lead to very debilitating after-effects! But, that rule aside I am sure that one cannot deny 'professional etiquette' to be an overruling diktat in this matter. Swearing comes across as crass and uncivilized in the professional/public domain, will lead to varying degrees of ostracism/disgust from our peers. Not the most constructive addition to one's resume for sure!

So what is to happen of my impetuous college-going self? The part of me that held sway over most of Anna university with it's whimsical ebullience?? (Okay, okay...I have been accused of mild aggrandizement before too :-( but come on! ) My quintessential self which believes in referring to the holy act of procreation to articulate the most inane of things? The coruscating diamond that I so carefully chiseled from the rough-hewn ranipet self that I was earlier? What of all the hip-hop songs that I memorized over sleepless nights of AIR's rather stunted FM programming?

Will I have to immolate it all at the altar of Professionalism? Risk stagnation, isolation and failure at the cost of retaining a prized fragment of my ethos?? I guess not! I realize that there are far less excruciating solutions to this conundrum like:


a) Bite your tongue in the professional domain and act courteously without letting it deprecate into the realms of Unctuousness! Not express your anger or disgust in as many words but stick to the age-old British custom of understatement! A 'stiff upper lip' goes a long way in diffusing the most combustible of situations, trust me on that! One can conveniently switch off their alter-egos and don the genteel cape for a few hours of professional existence! A solution I personally find the most pragmatic and utilitarian...

b) Substitute your cuss words for similar sounding non-swear words...what I call the "Placebo curses"
Phrases like Oh crap!, Shoot, Frikkin' hell, freakin' crap, Holy molly, Holy Macarel, Holy Baloney (add ur fav palcebo to the list). I personally find this very Juvenile! When u let fly a "Holy Crap" or a "oh Shoot!" everybody knows EXACTLY what you are referring to! so what's the big deal man? If you can't bite your tongue, your crap or shoot reads bullshit to me anyways! Hence my decision to stick to the first solution, just shut the fuck up and let the anger/frustration/disgust dissipate away!

c) Now, here's a rather novel solution:
Pack your bags and ship your ass to Yugoslavia. Wonder why??
Check out this
amazing article

Hilarious shit aint it?? What wud ur choice be?? feel free to ping me on it!


Aight man...take it easy!!

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